Autistic Differences

Youri made an update about dating earlier that reminded me of how much I lack those feelings at times.

I am currently in a relationship, however before this relationship I was single for years. I didn’t mind it; in fact I liked it. I like being alone because it’s easier for me. It takes an incredibly understanding and strong person to be in a partnership with me. I spend most of my time secluded from others. I have extreme social anxiety, and I don’t go to busy places by myself. When I do go to busy places, having a friend or family member does help, but it doesn’t cure the fact that I hate every minute of it.

I have a sensory disorder that is part of my autism-package:

• I hate being touched. I hate touching things that don’t have an agreeable texture.

No matter how much I want to hold someone’s hand, or want to hug a friend, I have to talk myself into actually doing it for far longer than most people. It tends to take me months to touch people, and may take years for me to comfortably be touched by them. This means that if you walk up behind me and tap me on the shoulder, I might have a breakdown.

When I buy clothes (rare) I buy them based upon how they feel rather than how they look. When I was a child my mother had to turn my socks inside out and cut the bits at the end so they didn’t press in on my toes. Many times a week we wouldn’t be able to leave the house until my socks were on correctly.

I feel humidity much more than other people. I can usually tell you the percentage within 2% margin of error.

• I hear everything at once and cannot tune things out.

We have a running-water bowl for the pets in the house and it sits downstairs in the “back room” which is my step-dad’s hobby area. I can hear the water running from any room in the house, including the upstairs and sometimes outside. I have extreme hearing and things that are loud to you, are excruciating to me. This does not mean that I can interpret everything I hear. I have a very hard time processing some frequencies, including those used in the voices of some people. So, while I hear everything, I cannot always understand the sounds. This can cause a lot of annoyance and confusion for me.

There are many aspects of my sensory disorder, but these are the ones that hender my dating and relationships. As you can see, there are a lot of major aspects of “going out” that I hate. I could never take someone who interests me out on a successful date. All of my potential partners have to understand this, and not all of them think I’m worth it. I do not blame them at all, and I don’t mind at all if they tell me up front because I appreciate honesty and direct nature. I would rather not waste their time and mine by trying to pursue something that is clearly not going to work for either of us.

I’m extremely grateful to have people in my life who understand these things about me, including my family, friends, and girlfriend. It wasn’t always that way. I hope this project helps the loved ones of other adults with autism to understand a little more about how differently we operate!